About a year ago, I read a post from an obstetric nurse who wrote, in summary, that no foster or adoptive mom will ever be able to love a child the way a biological mom does. Her intention, I believe, was to validate biological mothers, no matter their circumstance. She described watching these mothers birth …
Author Archives: carmenross
| 12 | A Mom Waiting |
I’ve never had a single positive pregnancy test. For two years I walked—sobbed and stumbled—through the cold valley of infertility. We were eventually diagnosed with unexplained infertility—if that counts as a diagnosis. Everything that needed to work in our bodies did. But it didn’t work. Conception never happened. Infertility was a slow, heavy torture that …
| 11 | Soft Lines and Open Minds |
The most essential and pervasive things I learned in school weren’t course content. I discovered that | 1 | I know very little, | 2 | few things are simple, | 3 | information is filtered through perspective, | 4 | critical thinking is a learned skill, and | 5 | drawing hard lines is …
| 10 | Ten |
Today marks 32 years since she came here. Next week marks 10 years since she left. I wasn’t well at the time; I had just been diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I was consumed with dread and fear. I was withdrawn and afraid to my core. At the time, I kept saying how …
| 9 | The Brain Out of Order |
The past couple weeks my depression has made itself very known, in a way that it hasn’t for a long time. Oddly, I’ve been able to, somehow, watch it worsen and study how it interacts with my world and relationships. I’m experiencing it and observing it simultaneously. I’m confident that my education in psychology is …
| 8 | Parenthood, Tantrums, and the Father |
I have the beautiful and broken privilege of being a foster mom. It’s the most incredible, rewarding, exhausting, and sacrificial thing I’ve ever done. It’s never not painful, but it’s always full of love. Foster parenting and traditional parenting are two very different beasts, but I think they’re both, well… beasts. Being a parent in …
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| 7 | TBH |
The other day, driving by a school, I saw dozens of black garbage bags labelled and spaced out on the concrete by the front doors. I knew they were full of kids’ belongings, waiting in the cold for their turn to be picked up and taken home. The wrongness of the image, fleeting as it …
| 6 | Hello Disruption |
Well, family, we are living in astonishing times. My little ones are home from daycare indefinitely, but my husband and I have continued work, school, and financial expectations. It’s a mostly unwelcome adventure, to be honest. But, comparably, I know we’ve got it pretty good. Between making snacks, finger painting, kissing owies, resolving playroom tantrums, …
| 5 | The Dissonance |
I wholeheartedly, fully, and truly believe that God is good. This belief becomes more solid and certain the closer I get to the things that are often cited as reasons for why a good God couldn’t exist. “God is good” isn’t some intoned denial of reality; it’s an indisputable fact. But as thoroughly as I …
| 4 | I Wanted a Quiet Life |
When I was young, back when I liked myself, I had dreams. I wanted to be a successful author, a professional singer, and/or run an orphanage in India. Before I realized that I had zero athletic skill whatsoever, I think I briefly wanted to be a female football player. It’s okay, you can laugh at …
| Here in the World | 